This post talks about mental health challenges, if this is a trigger for you please skip reading this one. If you are struggling please get help. If you're unsure how, call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org . Text MHA to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor from Crisis Text Line. Call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

Stress – we all have it. Planning a wedding? You’ve got some stress. Planning a divorce? Yep, stress for you too! It can come from positive or negative circumstances. And unfortunately both types of stress have the same effects on our bodies. From headaches, stomach pain, heart disease and beyond, stress can affect all areas of our physical and mental wellbeing.

As a little girl I had high levels of stress. It would get so bad that I would be stuck in bed, physically sick many times a month. Because I was young and because in the late ‘70s early ‘80’s no one really talked about stress coming out sideways in kids, everyone would look at me as though either I was faking it or I had the weakest system on the planet and was therefore a weirdo.

I was told to just let things go and that I was too sensitive and I needed to stop making such a big deal out of things. Teachers and other kids could be particularly brutal. I would always try to hide being sick and since I tended to feel sick to my stomach, I wouldn’t eat anything hoping I could make it through the day (NOT healthy and it made it way worse, please don’t do this to yourself). I felt ashamed that I seemed to be the only one who’s body couldn’t seem to handle life. 

In college I studied psychology and started to see what a powerful adversary stress can be on our minds and bodies, especially when we try to ignore it or pretend it doesn’t exist. “Don’t worry about me, I’m fine.” Or, “Stress is for the weak”. All of these thoughts swirled in my head daily. So I was intrigued to start digging deeper into how my mind and body worked together. They weren’t working against me, they were trying to tell me something.

I stopped feeling so ashamed, I was still embarrassed but not ashamed. I knew I just needed to figure out how to translate these messages into something useful. I stopped looking at myself as weak or damaged and instead started trying to translate all of these signals.

Once I started figuring it out, I was left with these feelings of incredible gratitude and awe at this body that was working tirelessly to protect me.

It’s funny how it can be so easy to talk ourselves into thinking we are less than, instead of questioning why something doesn’t feel right. I was a great listener for everyone else but I constantly dismissed myself. 

Once I was able to switch my perspective I was amazed by my discoveries. I found listening to and really trying to understand myself took me from feeling like a hopeless loser to feeling strong and capable, able to figure out (or at least get through) the toughest problems I faced.

I did learn that there were some physical limitations I had and I took control of those as best I could through diet and movement. I took yoga and meditation classes and found so many additional tools.

One of my wonderful teachers was Carol Gutzeit and her Satori Yoga (check out all of her wonderful offerings here). Her classes and coaching program helped me see how I was getting in my own way and offered me steps to a balanced and peaceful life.

This past week I haven’t written anything because I was feeling really terrible. In the past I would have been so angry at myself, adding stress and prolonging the time I felt awful.

After working on listening to myself over the years, I chose to be grateful and realize my body needed me to slow down and take care of it. I needed to respond, not ignore or react. I took the time I needed and this week I feel strong, healthy and exactly back where I need to be.

Here are some steps I take that help me get to a place of peace within myself no matter what is happening externally:

• First I get comfortable in a seated position, close my eyes and start noticing my breath, how I’m breathing (shallow/deep/fast/slow) until the breath becomes natural.
  • If I am struggling to settle in, I use alternate nostril breathing – click here for a video explaining the technique if you’re unfamiliar).
• Next, I start scanning my body for any areas that feel tense or sore or just “off” and I try to breathe deeply into that space, fully letting go on a long exhale.
• From there I start to let any emotions bubble up – noticing what and how I feel. There is no judgment to any of this, only noticing – emotions come and go, they are not bad or good, they just are, and they are not permanent, they are like oceans that rise and fall.
• Sometimes I may feel a tightening somewhere tied to the emotion and again I just try to breathe deeply into that space and then release the tension.
• I may or may not use a silent mantra depending on how I’m feeling. I like using “I am safe”, “I am peaceful”, “I am enough”. Whatever seems to respond to where I am feeling stuck. Or I may use a sighing breath – taking a deep breath in, holding for a few seconds and then exhaling with an audible sigh. Again, whatever feels right.
• Usually I try to do this for 10 – 15 minutes but sometimes I go longer or shorter, it depends on the day. The key is to listen to yourself, let your inner wisdom guide you.
• In any meditation or similar practice thoughts will come and go. Just notice without judging and then let them go, returning your focus back to your breath. Always remember that this is a practice, your experience may be different from day to day, week to week. Life ebbs and flows so it makes sense your practice will too.
• Lastly I express my gratitude to myself and the universe for any wisdom I take from this practice. 

This practice puts me into a peaceful and aware state. I can then go on about my day using this knowledge and peace as I meet any challenges along the way. I hope it can help you to find that clarity as well.

One last note I think is really important – if you are living with any type of mental health struggles, please talk to your doctor or therapist. They can give you insights and knowledge into so many different approaches to help you regain that peace and clarity. 

And please never feel bad or ashamed to seek help or use medication, just be sure you are getting the help you need. I take medicine to help me with the physiological side of my issues and I use holistic methods to help me as well, sometimes it takes a village.

Do you have practices that help you stay centered and gain clarity? Leave a reply in the comments.