As mentioned in my thoughts on bears hibernating (click here to read) – I think those furry guys have a lot figured out. It’s cold and dark so they eat and sleep. And they don’t stop doing it just because it was time to take down the Christmas tree (Yes, I like to picture them like little human families, you picture them however you want). They let nature and their innate understanding of themselves determine when they’ve rested enough and are ready to emerge into a “new year”.

But as I was thinking about this, I came to realize that the reason it resonated with me was not just because I have never started and kept goals that began in January (although that is true) – really it’s because it gave my perfectionist tendencies the permission slip to allow myself that time to rest! Ding Ding Ding!

So for all the other 50+ Januaries I have absolutely hibernated, I meant to start a workout routine and eat healthy and read 10 books by the end of the month, oh and become bilingual and organize my entire house … but somehow I found myself on the couch, eating more carbs instead of less and moving as little as possible. And I berated myself. The inner dialogue I had going would have made a sadist stop and say, “well, that’s a bit much, maybe give yourself at least a little break”.

My thoughts told me I was a loser, I was lazy, everyone else could manage to do this – it’s obviously me that is the problem, I’ll never measure up. In short, “once again Kristi – you are not enough”. Because there were always people doing more, living more, BEING more and why in the world would I (who lives a pretty idyllic life really) be tired? And not to jump on a feminist soap box but isn’t that true for most women? We feel like we are expected to be everything to everyone and never be tired. 

But this year I changed my story. I looked back at the last few months which included every one of our family birthdays, 4 major holidays, and navigating travel for multiple people in a short amount of time – meanwhile I exercised very regularly and ate incredibly well.  And again, I wouldn’t change a thing – I am so grateful for it all. AND I’m tired. 

So this year I decided “F” it, I’m tired, I’m going to listen to my body and jump back in the game when IT is good and ready. Of course day to day things have to happen but I guess I’m thinking more in terms of planning perfect meals, organizing and deep cleaning everything, all the resolutions I tried to make before. This year after I did all the things that are “musts” in order to keep the family up and running, I did NOT push myself to run 5 miles or eat only my large bed of kale with lemon juice. I grabbed a snack and watched movies and slept – I slept as often as I could!

And yeah some of the jiggly bits that were getting back in shape started jiggling again but truly, ever so slightly. All the clothes fit although I definitely didn’t feel as cute in them as in the last few months. But, I mean, ok I also didn’t hate myself and feel I’d “failed” by the second week of the year.

Then this week, something in me shifted. I was ready. I was rested and relaxed and ready to leap into 2024. So I took the dog for an extra long walk, I went back to yoga and ate oatmeal and salads again. And – this blew my mind – it worked! It was as if I hadn’t stopped at all. No cravings, no being miserable and upset about the food I “couldn’t” eat, I just went back into healthy mode! 

Also, in all those other years, I felt so much shame. Shame that I seemed to be the only person who wasn’t strong enough to “do the work”. So much in fact that I came up with more stories (true but overly dramatic, very “victimy”) about why I couldn’t do the things so I could explain to anyone who may have asked what I had been up to. What did I do instead? I just answered those friends, “hibernating”. And they all laughed or said “me too”! Not one person had anything negative to say, some were even proud of me.  Who knew?!?

Well of course many MANY people knew and have not only known but have tried their hardest to help ME know. But it’s one of those things where we get so caught up in the story we’ve created in our mind that it feels impossible for it to be untrue. 

I offer this to anyone out there who is stuck telling themselves similar stories when it seems the world is on the fast track to success and we feel like pulling off and sleeping in the car. It’s a lie! Most people are tired. A lot of people don’t judge themselves so much. And some are, I don’t know, superheroes or Energizer bunnies?  And none of that makes you a good or bad person – you just might need to rewrite your story. So if you need it for your own pesky thoughts – here is your permission slip to hibernate until your body tells you it’s ready for a new year.