Mother’s Day is here once again and first I would like to send love to new moms, older moms, aunts, grandmas, to families with two moms, to families who have lost their mom, foster moms, adoptive moms, women who chose not to have children but are wonderful friends and teachers to the young ones in their lives, those that wanted to have kids but couldn’t, and to anyone who has a tricky relationship with their mom. I hope everyone has a pretty spring day to reflect on all the strong female role models you have in your life.

In honor of my wonderful mom who passed away in 2019, I am sharing parts of the eulogy I wrote for her. Each and every day I try to be like her, hoping to make her proud. But the truth is I could never be like her, she was one of a kind…

Maya Angelou said,

I’ve learned that people will forge what you said, people will forget what you did but people will never gorget how you made them feel.

I keep thinking about this with Mom, no matter what role she was in, Wife, Mom, Sister, Aunt, Friend, she had this quiet, beautiful way of making everyone around her feel loved and special. From greeting my sisters and me with fresh baked goodies when we’d get home from school, to planning wonderful road trips for the whole family, she always thought of everyone else’s needs first. 

In fact, when she returned from the hospital this last time, some of her first questions were about how things were going in the lives of her wonderful caregivers at Island Shores.  When you were with her, you knew you were loved.

One of my favorite, and I think, very defining stories of Mom comes from before I was born. My 3 sisters were all young and my parents took them for ice cream cones. They were a young family, mindful of spending so this was a really fun treat. Dad stayed with the girls while Mom went to get the cones. Back she came with her hands full of ice cream when an uneven sidewalk tripped her. She fell and broke her nose but she saved those ice cream cones! Which speaks to 2 very important facts: 1) she was always willing to sacrifice herself for others’ happiness and 2) that woman LOVED her ice cream.

As she grew up, her family didn’t have the easiest path. Grandpa passed early from a long battle with lung cancer and Mom’s older brother died much too young in a car accident. She loved her brother’s boys and although she wished they lived closer, she was so happy to see them grow up to marry and have beautiful families of their own. She was heartbroken when one of them was taken suddenly from us several years back. My mom watched her own mother weather these storms in life with a strength and dignity that was surely passed on to her and our aunt.  And speaking of our aunt, Mom adored her younger sister and their love and friendship only grew stronger with the years. From every holiday celebrated together when we kids to springtimes spent together on the beach in Florida during retirement, she loved our aunt and her family so much. One particular tradition she loved was the girls’ shopping trip; those fashion shows were her favorite – and of course the snacks.

Growing up Mom was a very good student and so bright that one of her teachers wanted to help her parents get her to college. But life had other plans and my mom met our wonderful dad, and embarked on their love affair to last the ages. While times were not always easy, theirs was a love that could not be shaken. They shared a love of cards, music, fun, and nature, spending many years together at the cottage watching the water, the birds, and of course all the critters, some of them closer than she needed. They slept on the porch at the cottage, with just a screen separating them from the great outdoors. Mom slept next to the window and one day opened her eyes to see a raccoon hanging onto the screen peering in at her. I think the whole north woods woke up hearing, “Jiiiiiim”! No matter what they were doing, if they were together, they were happy.

She was such a good sport and had the best attitude about life. Her balance wasn’t her strongest quality but she strapped on those cross country skis and went with us even down hills that looked like mountains to her. Pickerel Lake is known for some of the world’s smallest bluegill but if we caught them and cleaned them, she fileted, them without complaint. Sometimes when I would be excessively worried about something, she’d tell me, “oh come on now, we’ll jump off that bridge when we get there”. She just kept going, she understood that life isn’t about fair or not fair, it’s about love. 

Mom loved her family and being a homemaker for my 3 sisters and me. With her warmth and love, she turned any space into a home that felt like walking straight into a hug. At Christmastime she would make dozens and dozens of cookies. We each had our favorite but could all agree that her sugar cookies were everything. And we never ran out – I can’t even imagine how many of those cookies she rolled out each year while we were all at work and school. At the beginning of every school year, each of us would get our own special day of back to school shopping with Mom. Oh how we treasured those times with her! As we grew older and met our husbands, she reveled in having 4 sons as well as daughters. Then when the grandkids started arriving, oh boy – she was in heaven! I know that each of them have their own special memories of Grandma – from ice cream for breakfast, to rocking them to sleep no matter how long it took, she adored them all. And she was so proud of them for the young men and woman they are becoming. What a beautiful legacy of love they all have with them and what an amazing guardian angel they will always have watching over them.

Along with her family Mom had some of the dearest, best friends anyone could hope for. From cards, dinners out, weekends up in Door County or at the cottage, she loved nothing better than being silly and having a great time with all of them. My sisters and I all have fond memories of hearing the low laughter coming from gatherings while we were up in our rooms. Whenever they were together there was always laughter and fun. Some of her friends have gone ahead of Mom and I just know they are up there smiling down on us and having a great time catching up.

Even as I wrote this eulogy, I felt my mom sending me her strength and guidance. As I struggled with making sure I covered everything, and fussed about which of the many loving stories I should use, I could hear her, saying, “Oh for heaven’s sake it’s fine. Just relax and tell them all I love them”.  Love is always the answer.