Today marks my husband’s and my 24th wedding anniversary. But we’ve literally been together for 30 years which has earned us the nickname “long haulers” from a dear friend. In those 3 decades we’ve moved back and forth around the country, bought and sold 7 homes and raised two wonderful young adults. We’ve also had markets crash, closed some companies and worked through serious health issues. More than once we’ve wondered when the locusts were going to arrive. But we both agree we are more in love now than ever.

There are a lot of reasons our relationship works but today, after an incredible celebratory weekend, I’m thinking of keeping that spark lit through the years. Admittedly we do not have the answer to how to have a perfect relationship but I thought I’d share a few things that have helped our spark stay sparkly.

1. Date Nights – We have always believed in the benefit of spending time together, just the two of us.
   1. Even when our kids were little we prioritized alone time, no matter how tired we were. And we had a strictly enforced policy of not talking about the kids. This time was just about us as people, not as parents.
   2. We didn’t always have babysitters so we got creative and had at home date nights. We’d have wine and watch a movie after the kids went to bed, maybe played cards or maybe just sat and listened to music together. The important part was spending time reconnecting and remembering why we got together in the first place.
   3. When it was possible we’d take a date vacation. Did it hurt our hearts a little to leave the babies? You bet! But we not only knew that strengthening our bond meant strengthening our family, we also knew we were setting a good example for our kids when they grew up and had families of their own.
2. Flirting – Through the years we have never stopped flirting with each other and trying to catch each other’s eye.
   1. As a young mom I read the book How Not To Be A Desperate Housewife. I honestly don’t remember a lot of particulars about the book and it would probably be canceled now but it reminded me that a wedding isn’t a finish line. A happy marriage takes a little effort from both people.
   2. I certainly do not adhere to 1950’s type housewife standards but I try to step up my game on date nights or certainly when he’s been traveling for work. A little lip gloss and a hair fix are hardly a lot to ask.
3. Trust – This may be the most important part, not just to the spark of our marriage, but our marriage in general.
   1. We absolutely know 100% in our hearts that we are both coming from a place of best intentions. Neither of us would deliberately hurt the other.
   2. This means that even when we have tense discussions, it’s because we don’t understand or agree, not because we feel diminished or taken for granted.
   3. If you can have tense discussions, you can have intense resolutions (nudge nudge wink wink)
4. Gratitude – Acknowledging our appreciation for each other has helped us remember that we are more than “a paycheck” or “a maid”.
   1. We are always aware of how the other person is working and giving so that our home is happy.
   2. Thanking each other randomly and out of the blue helps us keep that in focus and honestly doesn’t everyone love being acknowledged? Not that you do the things to get praise but if no one ever notices, it’s easy to start thinking the other person doesn’t care.

As the brilliant news source The Onion stated in a piece from 2005 – 

“Area Mom Really Gets Rocks Off On Being Appreciated”

All of this combined with two really good senses of humor can keep a spark going in any storm.